The sparrow.

Just as the sparrow does, i'll fly away.
Soon i'll be off-road from these mire streets
I want to be lost in the sincerity of new personas
and taste purity in the air
This is not where i want to be
This place wreaks of despair
Just as the sparrow does, i'll find my way out.

Fuck

I just don't understand.
I don't want it to be how it used to be.
I'm so confused.
I feel terrible..but I don't feel guilty.
I feel i've done no wrong and I hope one day you realise you've over-reacted
Because this is just fucked.
Fuck life. Fuck you're mind. Fuck my own stupid, selfish mistakes.

Why?

Why lie? Why fabricate? Why pretend?
Even if they don't, I see right through you.

Sometimes

We get along real good...
On very VERY rare occasions hahah
We're the most unattractive siblings in the world.

Control

I have regained control over everything.
My life is amazing.
It would take a major fall to bring me down now.
This is what i've been waiting, hoping for.

Everything has slipped into place and is finally all going my way.

I read the most interesting thing today

It was about a thing they called the Nocebo effect.
This is like the opposite to the placebo effect.
When someone tells you something that is untrue, but because you believe it, your body reacts to it.
It really proved to me that everything is mind over matter. With good thoughts and a clear mind, i can do whatever i want.
It went back to the early 1900's first when a man was apparently 'cursed' by a witch doctor. He got deathly ill and was bed bound for months having terrible pain and really high temperatures. Everyone thought he was going to die. Then this doctor came along to try to help him, he didnt believe in the curse so he told the guy that he had apparently found the witch doctor and made him tell him the cure for the curse.
He then told the man that the witch had put lizards inside of him and they were mostly gone but one was left, which was making him sick but he could easily remove it with surgery.
So the doctor did a pretend surgery on him and pulled a lizard out of his sleeve and showed the sick man. And said that he was cured. The man made a full recovery.
I thought this was amazing already but mm being in the early 1900's i was like mmm...probs a lie..then i read this other one.
It was only a few years ago, a man was diagnosed with cancer. He was given a few months to live and died within that time. But then when they were doing the autopsy they found hed been diagnosed incorrectly and he only had a small tumor that couldnt have killed him in any way and there was nothing else wrong with him. So he died of cancer that he didnt actually have....crazy
Really made me think about the way people think of themselves and how it affects them. You're own mind really is the most powerful tool you have.
Just thought i'd share.

Memories

Ahhh so many are just swirling through my mind,
Things I haven't thought of for years.
I've never felt the feeling I felt tonight, sitting at that place, so full of history.
Where hopes were made but dreams forgotten.
My mind, my heart racing.
I dont think i'll sleep tonight.

Revelations

I can see clearer.

Charon

Ahh trust is lost so easily.
Its taken me this long to finally realise who you are.
You're doing nothing but playing charades hoping different crowds will accept you for who you are when you're really just moulding yourself to fit in with their beliefs instead of speaking your own.
I can't trust you.

Those coins on your eyes wont help you cross this lake, Cause death is about dignity and you're a fucking fake. Too gutless for even Charon to take you aboard. His fare entitles more than anything you could afford. So your stranded, a lake between you and death but a heart between you and home. This is the true meaning of feeling alone.

Jabberwocky

`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

Ahh one of my all time favorite poems
I remember memorising it when i was like 7 haha.
Lewis Carroll is amazing.

Come away come away with me he cried
Look at your reflection in the sea
Are we what we choose to be?

Tomorrow will find us far away from here
and all that we hold dear
Will be far behind.

Luck?

Recently absolutely everything has just gone right for me.
Yes, the ongoing problems in my life still remain.
But even they are being overriden with good news.

Three gigs just this weekend
Everything is falling into place.
I've found myself.

Only with hope..

Can we make it in this hate filled world.

Never Never Land

Second star to the right and straight on til morning.
That's where i'm headed.

The beautiful idea of staying young forever....

Nudes

People need to get some fucking self respect.

u gona get ur kit off gracey lmaoo
wat?
u heard
im not taking my clothes off for you.
whooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
joken n. e ways love u aint worth my time
if im not getting naked im not worth your time?
yea u got that right
Fuck up
sleazy arsehole
go get some fucking respect
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
got loads love
bbut not for stuck up sluts like u
ama fuck up u tha one who looks like u had a face lift
im a slut because i wont take my clothes off?
na that aint whata said u simple minded mare. u look like a slut but yu not u are actually stuck up ta fuck
i look like a slut? have you ever seen me?
i call it self respect.
i seen ur picture u mug
wow...how sluty of me
are u fucken blind a sumet a even said u aint a slut a can tell by tha way u talk . all i said is that u look like a slut on ya pic so sort ya shit out
how is that sluty in the slightest?
r.u mad
i said u looked slutty
but u aint u talk to snobby and act to stuck up to be a slutt
how is it being stuck up saying that i dont want to get nude?
i dont talk snobby...i talk english instead of dero.
shape the fuck up and get some respect you disgust me.

and i blocked him...ahhh humans never cease to amaze me.

Every wave climbs at first. It takes a while and builds up as much momentum as possible.

Then finally, when its at its highest point, it crashes and rips itself back under the wave behind it taking some poor person back out to sea with it. The cycle restarts. This is life.

The bad with the good

No good comes without bad
I try to think of the best way for everything to turn out,
the way for my whole life to just work out.
But in every scenario i think of, someone gets hurt along the way.
Every decision comes with consequences, I'm just trying to get through it
hurting as little people as possible.
There's no such thing as perfect situations, only perfect feelings, perfect states of mind.

Direction

And I knew exactly where I was going, only to find that place was near impossible to find.
My mind, my compass, directionless.

Tattoos

I'm the biggest loser i know hahahahaha

Father's Day

The first year it hasn't hurt so much.

Thankyou.

Dreams are obsolete

All I need is my reality now.
My mind needs to lull and let my body continue.
Because I'm very content with the way things are going.
Nothing can hinder this feeling, I'm happy.

Bringing up old memories

Some things make me feel physically sick.