It is completely lost, then slowly gained, only to find that control is over-rated and i find myself more lost than ever.
Control over my own self only means finding ambition and seeking more. Convincing myself that i know where i'm going, that i'm on track.
But this control over my own thoughts, actions and feelings proves itself dangerous.
I aim too high and hurt others in hope that i'll keep this control. While in my head, away from their eyes and ears, i secretly hope and pray that i'll lose it. Hoping someone else will once again lift this power from my shoulders and let my mind run free.
Let me lose myself, lose my sense of wanting, wishing for more and to once again be content.
To see past the things that, with that control, i would try to change, try to fix.