Cognizance

It seems it takes something bad to happen,
A major fall,
For me to realise what i really have.
There is no point me sooking and whinging about what i dont have...or what i do and dont want anymore.
My life is so much better than that of so many others.
And i should appreciate it more.
Life is short.
And it really takes a tragedy to bring me to that realization.
So im going to try harder not to go whining about my problems
Life is good
And il try to start acting like i believe it.

Expectations

They say I'm a child with an adults mind

And ill only keep growing from here

But growth is a weakness

And pride is no option

If its not perfect, its failure.

Hmmm i know it doesnt seem to make all that much sense.

But it makes sense to me.

Mind Over Matter

Im starting to realise im incapable of showing my weaknesses
Im sick and im pretending that im not to try and make myself better
Almost every aspect of my life is complete shit, but if i act happy i believe il feel happy.
Im starting to feel as though showing emotion is showing weakness
and im scared that if i show that i really am sad,
then everything will catch up with me and i just...
i just dont want to turn into my mum

Life

...it seems to just get more retarded every day
Things for me always seem to be fucking shit..where everything that could go wrong does...
Or just awesome and im really really happy.
Why cant everything be normal for a while?

I wish i could just go away for a few weeks..
Leave all these confusing, detrimental things behind.
I just want to have time to think..
Time without school and work and the people i live with..
I just want to be able to be truly happy for a while
Happiness that lasts and doesnt just vanish as soon as something goes slightly wrong
...
Gah im a dreamer...happiness like this doesnt exist.

I wish...

I wish i was a stronger person
I wish i didnt care about people so much
I wish i had the ability to say things and change the way people view the world
I wish i could stop sitting around thinking about all the things i want to be
Instead of focusing on who i am...
But im still discovering myself
I dont even know who i am anymore
and i hate it.

Im starting to realise..

lately i've been thinking about certain things WAY too much
and its just making me puzzled...
i should stop that.

The sky

I could lie and watch the sky for hours.
The way its everchanging, limitless.
The way that if you stare at it for long enough, you seem to feel yourself move with it.
Sometimes the simplest things make me the happiest.

Content with not believing

I don't see why religion is such a big part of our world.
There are wars over it, people dying every day for something so delusive.
I feel as though i don't need a religion,
I have no reason to believe in any apparent being.
Where we go after death and how we got here in the first place doesn't matter to me.
What matters is that we're here now and we should make the most of our time while we have it.

hmmm

Its weird...i have this really bad feeling right now
Like i just feel so shitty
And im not sure what it is
Just really need a big cuddle
I hate being upset!

why do we always seem to think of what we dont have, not what we have?

It's weird, there are parts of my life at the moment that are just so great.
Things just seem to be going well.
But as much as i try to be happy about the good things that are happening,
The two people who are meant to be helping me to make my life good are the two that seem to be stopping me from being really happy.
Why do i have to think about them so much?
grrrrrr

So Monday finally came..

Thankyou :)
I had a really good day
would have liked a few more kisses and cuddles...haha
but all in all i think i like this boy very much
hmm..yess lots and lots
:D

Apple Pie

My apple pie is amazing
I should be a chef....
Shame vegan chefs aren't really in high demand....

I miss you :(

I hate it how when your having heaps of fun and everything is awesome, time goes really really fast and everything finishes so quickly..
But when you really miss someone and just want to see them already..time just seems to drone on and on and it feels like forever!!
It sucks heaps
Hurry up and make it Monday.

"I have a dream"

In English today we were watching great speeches of history from people like Martin Luther King and Malcolm X.
It just amazes me that people like them, could stand up against their whole countries and speak about what they believe in, even when they are so clearly in the minority.
Those people still spoke in fear of death..yet most people these days dont even seem to speak up to their peers in fear of people not accepting their opinion.
Either people have become stupid..or just gutless.

I cant write tonight

everything i write is just sounding stupid. It sucks :(
I tried to write down some lyrics before..just to get something down on paper
and this is what came out:

Fate takes a turn at this perplexing road
For my eyes have now seen more
My mind plays memories like they're movie tapes
Tapes that cant be paused

We sit in silence and watch this world
fall into hunger and despair
If everyone can make a difference,
then why are we so scared?

Fighting for peace,
this worlds greatest contradiction
These problems cant just be solved with war.


hmmm...i actually hate it..but i had nothing else to write.

I dont understand..

There's this absoulutely amazing girl.
She is everything any guy could ever want and more.
Yet he didnt seem to realise that.
He'll never find another girl like her..she's one of a kind.
I dont understand how he could just give up on her so easily.
He doesnt realise how lucky he really is.

Blind to the world

Without eyes there would be no superficiality, no racism, no one would be able to fire a gun or throw a punch.
If we couldn't see people, we wouldn't be able to judge them on how they look, no one could be shallow and we would judge people souly on whats inside.
I believe that's where true beauty is.

ACTUALITY

: something that truly exists, is real


I realise i spend too much time dreaming, too much time thinking about what could've been and what is to come instead of focusing on the things around me. They are what is real, that is all that truly exists.
I'll never be able to change the past, so i should stop worrying about it.
And nothing in the future is guaranteed anyway, so it doesnt make sense to focus on these dreams.
I want to start living for now.