Monday, August 31, 2009



I feel as though i'm in a daze
The winds change so fast.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Silver Lining

The thing that's kept me going
Brightened up every little thing inside of me
Created new feelings, new emotions.
In everything that's going wrong,
I've found my silver lining
Everything is going to be ok.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

My dad called today

Every conversation we've had for about a year has been exactly the same.
He calls after a few months of not talking.
He asks if i have a boyfriend.
I say I'm a lesbian
Then there's a pause and he awkwardly laughs, not knowing whether or not I'm joking.
I don't say anything.
He then goes on to ask me whats my mobile number because he's been trying and trying to contact me.
I say I've had the same phone for a year..I'm surprised you still don''t know it after the amount of times I've given it to you. Then ask why he doesn't just try the home phone.
He laughs and asks whats been happening.
I say not much you?
He says not much
and we both make up an excuse to leave.
After any conversation i get this really weird feeling.
Its almost like the feeling you get when someone close to you dies.

I dont understand

You watch everything fall around me
and somehow you look past it.
I'm not sure how,
But you've made me see everything that's happening in a different light.
There's still hundreds of thoughts running through my head
confusing, confounding me.
But somehow these thoughts are controlled.
Maybe this double-edged sword can be blunted.

Friday, August 28, 2009

I keep promising

myself that i'm going to stop hurting.
That i'll dedicate my whole self to making other people feel as happy as possible.
Regardless of how it makes me feel.
But i'm terrible at it.
I'm a bad person
and my selfishness gets in the way.
I do things to make me happy once in a while..
and they end up hurting the ones i love..
which in turn makes me unhappy.
I need to sort shit out.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

My Battle

Its an uphill battle
Me against the tide
But finally i see some progress
Though a long way off, the shore's in sight.

Arcane Eyes

You be the sky and i'll be the sea
At the horizon we'll finally meet
And lovers will sit and fall with the sight
Of the sun setting in your arcane eyes

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

I keep dreaming

The same dream.
I'm standing at the edge of the ocean and there's a huge storm with lightning and thunder
and waves crashing everywhere around me.
And I'm just standing there, in the middle of this tumult
and i feel calm. I'm at peace.
I cant work out if this is symbolising something, like the way my life is going right now,
me being undisturbed by everything going on around me.
Or if its simply just from leaving my bedroom window open when its windy outside.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

I sometimes wonder where the living goes when it stops.

This place you call hell wont come after i die
Its here right now while im living my life
In my feelings and thoughts and the people i find
Heaven and hell is merely in my mind

Just a little poemy thing i wrote when i was bored and in a mood haha

And your name still drifts like smoke through the air
Transparent, but we're all still aware...........

And finally

I'm starting to feel again.


Perfect thinking weather.
I knew it was coming.

Monday, August 24, 2009

To my beautiful besty

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
On the weekend i'm coming over with a vegan cake.
I love you so much hope you had an awesome day :)

This boy

Makes good chats :)
"you think about the way of the world instead of just living in it"
Very good company.
Thanks for being 'lovely' haha


Everyone is constantly changing.
Noone will ever stay the same forever.
So why does it hurt so much when some people do?
Sometimes my memories are better than my reality.

Sunday, August 23, 2009


Friends and Family

Its at the bottom of my list yet it still seems to come up so frequently.
My mind isn't meant for relationships.

Friday, August 21, 2009


Every year, when the Magnolias all finally bloom,
A huge storm comes and blows them all away.
And they're just blooming now so i'm awaiting my huge storm :)

Nothing's the same without you

I miss you besty :(
Get better.
I want your cuddles and your loveliness
and i hate it when you're sick.

Thursday, August 20, 2009


It is a tale. Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, Signifying nothing. ...

We, as humans, do many things that seem to mean the world when we're doing them, but looking back, you eventually realise it was all meaningless.
People work and work for goals that they never wanted to achieve
They'll do almost anything because they are in love and want to make the love work, only to find when they finally have it, they were really in love with the process and the result is merely boring.
Humans are the worst kind of creatures.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

I wish

I had some pair of glasses that i could just put on and it would change the way i see the world, so i could really see from someone else's perspective.
I wonder what kind of person i would be, the way i'm seen from another's eyes.
Just an entertaining thought.

Monday, August 17, 2009


Some people i'm just so close to.
But right now i feel like they're all so far away.
Being alone while i'm surrounded is a funny feeling

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Saying goodbye...

Goodbyes are the worst..even worse when you know its for forever.
I already miss my Reggie :(
Having a best friend for 7 years then knowing their fate, in the end, was in you're hands is the worst feeling you can ever have.
I got to call the shots, a life of pain or death.
How can life mean so much when it can be ended so quickly?

Without words, without any major action, in the end just creating some kind of annoyance
and somehow this dog made me happier than anyone else can.
I don't want to sleep alone
I realise it was his time but i love him and i miss cuddling him to sleep.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Familiar Thoughts

Thinking of the things i never thought i would again.
These recurring dreams and dangerous ideas constantly haunt my mind
and i'm sick of playing games with myself.
I need time to concentrate right now but my mind is wandering elsewhere.
Someone help me figure myself out I cant do it alone.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009


This week Juliet's away on camp so i have the whole week with just mum and i.
So far so good but i'm really hoping things don't turn shit.
We've been listening to heaps of Leonard Cohen..he's amazing.
I like to see her happy.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Nothing to write

My mind is empty. I hate this feeling.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

So this morning

I woke up and rolled over
and lying beside me was my lyrics book, open, with a pen next to it haha
Written on the page was this:
"And the ones that I loved the most are the ones that let me go
So I've become desensitized to new feelings, thoughts and views
Everything becomes old when its new.
And dare i say that these things that we once thought beautiful,
Were frauds all along."
It doesn't make any sense at all.
But i write strange things when i wake up in the middle of the night.
I don't remember writing it but i thought I'd share.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Last Thursday

I got told that i'm a beautiful song writer.
Probably the best compliment i've ever gotten.
Fuck 'O you're so pretty'
I'd much rather have people appreciate my words than how i look.


Slowly regaining my respect...
You're finally making a comeback.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

True Love

True love lasts forever?
But nothing last forever
So our love cannot be true
Or forever just doesn't last.

Wrote that ages ago but only now does it really have full meaning.
I've realised that every relationship I've been brought up to see as being right, as being true, hasn't worked.
Marriage seems pointless from my experiences and everything considered 'love' around me, doesn't last.
My parents are divorced, and so are their parents. And in a lot of 'working' marriages i know of, the people are both so unfaithful. It's all slowly losing meaning.
This concept of true love is foreign to me.

Slipping Away

It's weird that you can be such good friends with someone.. and so quickly it can all just slip away
For no reason at all.
I hate this. I miss our stupid jokes and long chats. I miss going to gigs and having sleepovers. I miss you. I want this friendship to last.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009


Gahh everyone needs to chill out and stop stressing.
People seem to worry about things that don't affect them in any way at all
and stress about things when there are alternatives and they don't need to.
It seems so stupid to me.
If you're already stressing why try to take more on?
You're making yourself sick.

Monday, August 3, 2009


I love your abusive ways.
Please never hate me i'd be a very scared lady.


If you won't admit the consequences then why are you using them?
I'm sick of ignorant, uneducated fuckheads trying to justify their actions with lies.
They just believe what they want to be true.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Sick of being sick

12 pills a day i can't think straight.